sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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