NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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