HIV tests are more positive than that guy
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
