Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
