This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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