It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
