can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
