And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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