update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
