I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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