i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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