So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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