My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
