She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
