who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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