I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
