I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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