It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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