U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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