I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
