"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
