6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
