guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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