I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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