You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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