I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
