My room smells like vodka and shame
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize