you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
