I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
