At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
