hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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