I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize