Only a mothe r could love this liver
this just has baby written all over it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
