Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
