Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
