sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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