she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
