the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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