Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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