You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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