Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want a musical about memes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
