There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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