Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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