i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
