I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
