dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
