you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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