We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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