Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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