I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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