Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
