sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
