STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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