I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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