You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
