There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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