how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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