We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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