Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
