I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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