goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You ruined the universe
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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