I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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