Soap is not a condiment
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
