I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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