Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
