I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
